Plan B

The air smelled of coffee.

Well that was obvious considering I just walked into a coffee house right after peak hours. I never really gave these places the time of day as they weren’t really my thing. Honestly though, spending my time in a dimly lit store full of people sipping glasses of overpriced mud water is not an ideal way for me to kill time but hey, that’s life.

So, why am I wasting a perfectly good weekend in a place I don’t care for? Good question, I’m still asking that myself. The only reason why I’m in a building with wanna be hipsters is because…

“William!”

Is because of her, Sissi Delmas; the spoiled daughter of our school’s principal. I roll my eyes in a subtle manner as not to alert her of my bad mood before I take my seat.

Now I’m sure you all wondering why the two of us are meeting together under these circumstances, don’t worry I’ll tell you eventually but I’ll give you a hint, it’s not for the daily special.

“Geez Sissi, do you have to call my name so loudly?” Really I think my hearing could have given out if I was any closer.”

“That’s because you came fifteen minutes late! I thought a man who claimed to be a champion of all things romantic would know how impolite it is to keep a lady waiting.”

She’s got a good point but me being late was not my fault on account of the poor directions I was given beforehand but I don’t mention this as not to anger her further, even I have my limits.

Well I guess it’s alright if I tell you about my intentions for coming here…

I, William Dunbar, am in love.

Not with the girl in front of me, that would be disgusting, beyond disgusting. Instead, I have had my heart stolen by a beautiful Japanese girl who had taken my breath away when I first laid eyes on her. Sadly I have yet to claim her heart because she foolishly thinks Ulrich Stern is a fitting romantic choice. Even though the guy has yet to make any sort of move on her and is still in the friend zone, she still refuses to accept the truth and is painfully dragging this out like a bad romantic comedy. This is where Sissi comes in.

Even if you were blind, deaf and dumb you would still be aware of the obvious fact that Sissi too has the hots for Kadic’s favorite anti-social soccer addict, don’t know why but I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Ever since we found out we share a similar goal we’ve decided to combine our efforts. You’d think that with two extremely good looking and popular people like us, pulling off such a feat would be quiet simple.

Yeah right.

“So Dunbar, are you always so charming with the women in your life?”

I sit down and strongly regret not brining a bottle of aspirin with me. Listening to Sissi go to extra lengths to belittle me was potent enough to induce a migraine. I use every bit of self restraint I had to keep my temper in check. The shorter I kept this meeting the better.

“Can we just get this over with?”

“Tsk fine, no need to spoil my fun.”

Sissi takes another sip from her cup with a frustrated look on her face. At least I could take comfort in the fact that the girl sitting across from me was just as miserable about this whole experience as I am.

“Aren’t you going to say something?”

“Ladies first,” I reply with a wry grin. I can just see her scrim in her chair after my response in which I do a very small fist pump to celebrate my tiny victory.

“Well I hate to state the obvious but we both know full well why we’re talking to each other.”

“Yeah I know but why did you choose this coffee joint? You like the espresso’s here that much?”

“Kinda,” she says while taking another drink. “It’s the only place I can think of to meet without having rumors about us circulate.”

If I was chugging down a cup of coffee I think I would have done a giant spit take. It’s easy forget that the spoiled brat in front of me had quiet the cunning streak behind her so to see it exercised in front of my eyes, was a real shocker.

“Toche Sissi, toche.”

She smugly smiles to herself and retrieves a notebook and pen from her backpack.

“The reason why we’re even talking to each other is that we have a few bothersome love triangles to straight out in order for us to get the attention of the people we want, those people being Yumi and Ulrich.”

Quickly she sketched out a giant Y and U on the note pad along with a S and W off to the side. without having her explain the code to me I was able to figure out that these symbols were to represent the four of us.

“For some strange reason, Yumi and Ulrich like each other but are both unable to do anything to get out of the friend zone, meanwhile the two of us are trying to do the same thing with them as well.”

She then draws numerous arrows between the letters as to illustrate the relationship chart.

“From here you can see that there are three ways for us to succeed. If I manage to capture Ulrich’s heart then Yumi will most likely turn to you for support. Hopefully something further can progress from that but I’m not making any promises.”

Sissi flashes me another arrogant grin but this time it was meant to playfully show her intentions as opposed to its normal use of belittling people.

I cross my arms across my chest as to show I am following her current train of thought.

“Let me guess the other two outcomes. Either I succeed in your place or we both win out at the same time.”

“Good looks and brains. You sure you need help getting together with Yumi?”

“I can say the same for you two.”

The two of us share in a small fit of laughter. Our partnership is now ten minutes old but we already have a good feel for each other’s personalities. Coming into this whole thing I was kind of worried that Sissi’s smug nature would just drive me crazy, but if things keep going on like this then maybe we can have a healthy working relationship.

“You Sissi I…”

Right when I’m about to tell her that I might enjoy this little team up, I see her taking a quick peek at her cell phone and packing all of her stuff. Immediately I get on her case.

“You’re leaving already?!”

“Well duh.” She says so casually.

“You can’t be serious! I came all the way out her to this dumb coffee house that I don’t even like, bicker with you for a few minutes and then you leave!”

Either this girl wants to put a knife in my back or she’s just really, really, really good at getting underneath someone’s skin and driving them crazy.

“Listen up William; as much as you would just love to monopolize my time, I have other things to do. Now if you excuse me…”

“We barely did anything!”

I know I can’t see my own face right now but I’m willing to bet good money that right now I’m probably giving Sissi a death glare of my own. I must look like a total dork.

“I beg to differ; I think we made a lot of progress during the short period of time we were together.”

“Doodling a crude chart and confirming our goal doesn’t really count as a productive day for me!”

“Fine, if you want to do something so badly then I got something for you.”

Finally the girl is listening to logic and reason, thank the Heavens. Sure she likes to have fun at other people’s expense but I really don’t think she would be so callous as to just waste my time in such a malicious manner.

“Go ahead and tell me Sissi. I’m all ears.”

Both my hands go into the pockets of my jeans for I want to show here that I’m in a good mood to listen to her suggestion. I take a good look at her face and see her grin once more. That sight alone is enough to make my blood run cold sometimes.

“Well then, you can start by picking up my tab.”

Right on cue a waitress comes to our table holding a checkbook in her right hand. By the time I can fully comprehend the situation I already see Sissi at the café’s exist waving goodbye to me only to turn my attention back at the impatient looking woman who’s demanding money from me. Lucky for me I always make sure to carry a good deal of money around in case of emergencies and I think a situation like this counts.

“Will this be enough?”

Staying angry is only going to give me an even larger headache so I play it cool like I always do. Casually I place the bills on the table and I make my way out. Normally I’d stay and chat but I figure that the sooner I get out of this coffee laced hell hole the better. All I want to do I go back to my room and…

“You forgot the tip.”

I really hate that woman sometimes.

------------

The thirty minute walk home did nothing to get rid of my bad mood. One of the good things about rooming alone in Kadic is that you really don’t have to fake a smile to your roommate when you’ve been having a bad day and I intend to take advantage of. I step into my room and put all the strength I can muster to close the door.

SLAM!

Oh man, that felt real good. Now I might have just busted one of the hinges judging from the sound but I don’t care. I’ve met some real insensitive women in my life, women that would make some men go gray before they turned twenty but Sissi is a whole different kind of beast and yes, me using the word beast to describe her was completely intentional.

First she drags me out to a place I utterly despises, barely does any work and then expects me to pay for all of her food. This wasn’t a strategy meeting, this felt more like a blind date that went horribly wrong.

At times like this I would go downstairs to my building’s vending machine and snag a can of my favorite beverage. Trust me, when I say that a cold drink does wonders for a flaming temper. Of course I can’t do this! Why? Cause that pompous drama queen made me spend all of my money on her. I don’t know what’s was worse, losing my cash or having it spent to satisfy Sissi’s whims. That money would have been better spent if I lost it to a thief holding me at gunpoint. Only thing I want to do is to just nod off and sleep the rest of this god awful day away. Already I’m getting ready to use the shower when I notice that there’s something stuffed in my jean pockets. I fish it out with no trouble and it happens to be Sissi’s doddle. I didn’t know I swiped this off the table, then again I don’t remember what I did while I was getting ready to leave the restaurant so can you really blame this gaping hole in my memory.

Don’t know why but for some reason I’m staring at this crude drawing as if it were the most profound piece of art I’ve ever encountered. On the pieces of notebook paper were the letters SxU and WxY written in neat hand writing with two big hearts drawn over them and that makes me smile.  I don’t know why I just did that but for some strange reason I get the feeling that Sissi actually wants me to succeed along with her.

God, I must be crazy after all to think that. I slap myself in the cheek to shake that stupid thought out of my head and head to the showers to clear my mind.

---------------------

I remember reading a quote from someone saying that stupidity is defined as someone who does the same thing multiple times and expects different results. If those words are true then call me a grade A idiot cause because I just agreed to another outing with Miss Delmas to discuss “strategy.”

Then again I made sure to stack the deck in my favor this time. When Sissi suggested the idea to me, I insisted to choose the rendezvous point this time, there was a snowball’s chance in Hell that I’d go back to that café and give her the chance to bail out on me again. Of course she protested but if she wants to work with me then it’s time she starts playing things by my rules.

I walk into the record store I frequently visit to when I’m looking for vinyl to scratch for my turntables. The owner’s real cool and we know each other on a first name basis and I take a seat at one of the tables used for customers and fix my gaze at the door. I only had to wait for two minutes when my partner strolls into the store.

“Wow, you’re on time” I make sure to say this in the most patronizing voice possible. I know I’m acting like a total jerk to her but she had it coming in spades. She tries her best to keep her cool but I can tell that my words have done their damage.

“I need to ask,” she says while she takes a seat in front of me. “Why on Earth did you call me out here? This place is so outdated and drab.”

“You insisted that we need to stay away from any Kadic students. Do you know anyone at our school who buys records?”

“Good point.”

Sissi knew that there was no possible way she could win this current exchange of words so she drops the subject entirely. No sooner did she get settle that she reaches for her wallet in her bag.

“Oh yeah, before I forget…”

By my shock I see her remove a rather large number of bills from the leather pouch and watch her fan them out in her hand. After counting a few off, she precedes to hand the portion to me.

“I believe I owe you this much for yesterday. I would have paid for myself yesterday but my funds were running tight. Sorry I had to dump that on you but I was confident you weren’t going to let me down.”

“HUH?!”

Yeah, it’s not the most elegant replay a man can give a lady but c’on, I’m seeing Sissi Delmas actually praising me! I think I’m entitled to having at least one shocked reaction.

“Look William, I know that I’m not the most well liked girl at Kadic but I can’t have you telling everyone that I’m some kind of gold digger.”

I reach to take the money being offered to me but I hear a nagging voice in the back of my mind to be wary of her kindness. Knowing Sissi, she’s got some clever plan to try to worm her way out of this.

“Then again, are you sure you really want a woman to pay for herself? I mean you being the romantic gentleman that you are would never let this happen if it were a date right?”

Talk about a low blow. Sissi just thought up of a way to get rid of the guilty feeling of dumping her bill on while at the same time copping out of any sort of punishment. Great, thanks to her plan I’m royally screwed either way. If I take the money then I’m going to be a huge hypocrite and I’m sure that bit of news is going to hit the rumor mill real fast and saying no I might as just lie down and surrender. Sometimes I really think that I should…wait a minute! How can I be such an idiot?

“You’re right Sissi, I would never have a girl pay for anything if we were on a date.”

I grab the money on the table and watch Sissi’s jaw nearly hit the floor; truly a satisfying sight.

“But yesterday wasn’t a date, it was just business and in the world of business, refusing to financially compensate one’s partner is something frowned upon.”

The score stands, William two, Sissi zero.

“Can we actually start planning something?”

“Sure thing, what you got?”

As much fun as I was having, making fun of Sissi is something that gets old when done in long durations. I shouldn’t lose sight of my goal which is to claim Yumi’s heart and I’ll align myself with the Devil if I have to.

Then again, with the company I’m keeping, I might as well just do that.

“Well according to a reliable source it seems that Yumi and Ulrich have had yet another fight. If we’re going to make our move then it has to be now.”

If there’s one thing about Sissi that’s outright scary, it’s her ability to dig up dirt on just about any student at our school. I frequently throw around the term “rumor mill” to explain how gossip circulates from one student to another, if rumor circulation is a mill then Sissi would be the foreman in charge of it.

To put it bluntly if Sissi tells you something she heard from a reliable source, you can bet good money that she’s telling the truth.

“Excellent find I’ve seen how those two react to each other after a fight, usually Yumi snaps at anyone within a ten foot radius while Ulrich temporarily cuts himself from humanity for a few days.”

Even though I’m keeping the Ulrich bashing to a minimum, I can tell I just hit a touchy subject with my partner. Her eyes became sympathetic for a brief moment before they returned to a neutral gaze, man she really does like that soccer freak.

“Good observation William, now tell me what does this mean for the two of us?”

“What it means is that none of their friends are going to have a chance to get in our way.”

I forgot to talk about the posse that Yumi and Ulrich keep, those being Odd, Jeremie and Aelita. The five of them are really close but for some reason those three have a personal vendetta against the two of us and are trying their hardest to make sure the love of my life is doomed to a miserable future. With that said, they do their best to prevent me from getting any sort of alone time with her as if they were her relationship bodyguards. Despite their best efforts to throw me out in the cold, I’ve at least managed to at least land myself in Yumi’s friend zone, it’s not much but it’s a start.

“You better have something really big planned out for this,” I say while I cross my arms. She better have a real killer scheme up her sleeve or else I might seriously cut ties with this girl.

“Is this big enough for you?”

Sissi reveals two concert tickets and instantly my blood chills. She did have something big ready and waiting.

“No way, you got Subsonic tickets for the concert this weekend!”

“Front row too.”

You gotta be totally insane to pass up the chance to go to a Subsonic’s concert and sit in the front row. Still I have one nagging question on my mind.

“Who did you…”

“I bought them way in advanced and only now am I telling anybody that I have them. No blackmailing involved. “

That girl is really sharp sometimes.

“Ok, so it’s obvious that you’re going to invite Ulrich to the concert, what does that leave me? Heck do you even need my help from this point on?”

She places the tickets back into her bag before answering.

“Actually I do and I need it in spades. I’m going to need you to keep Yumi busy while I send the invite. After she hears about this she’s going to feel rather bitter toward Ulrich and that’s when you can step in to comfort her.”

It was a rather simple plan she had cooked up but the beauty with simple schemes is that their chances of screwing up run in the single digits.

“I’m touched Sissi, you’re actually advising me to be the shoulder that Yumi should cry on. I thought you would rather see her miserable.”

“I do but the way I see it, a happy Yumi is less likely to interfere in my relationship than an angry one.”

I really like this plan; I really like it a lot. We both have a role to play and if things work out in our favor then the two of us will finally get what we want. Thinking about our success is making me excited.

“So when should we make our move.”

“Tomorrow, Odd goes out for skateboarding practice at five PM so Ulrich should be alone by then. All you need to do is keep tabs on Yumi and make sure she doesn’t even come close to the school. I don’t need to tell you how important your job is for all of this.”

“Sounds good to me.”

I extend my arm out in front of me and Sissi does the same. We were going into this operation as if we were business partners, might as well seal the deal on our cooperation with a good old fashioned handshake. The gesture is a bit cliché but you gotta admit it’s appropriate for this moment.

“Hey William, can I ask you a personal question?”

“Sure thing.”

I’m a pretty open guy in general so I don’t take too long to answer her request. She’s probably asking me this as she wants to get to know me better.

“How much do you really love Yumi Ishsiyama?”

Really? That’s all she wants to know? This has to be the easiest question I’ve answered in my life.

“When I first came to Kadic and laid eyes on her, I knew that she was a girl I would want to spend my life with.”

“And ever since then you’ve been chasing her?”

“You got it!”

I answer back with as much confidence I can put into three words as possible. After hearing such a wonderful reply Sissi should be fully satisfy her curiosity.  If that’s the case, why does she look so sad right now?

“Maybe, asking for your help wasn’t such a good idea.”

What the Hell is this girl thinking?! She’s going to break things off right now just when things were picking up!

“Are you insane?! You have to be insane! What happened between now and ten seconds ago to make you think that teaming up with me would be a bad idea.”

This is starting to feel a lot like yesterday where Sissi has gone and push my buttons, the only way I can hold onto my sanity is to think that this is her idea of being a joke.

“William Dunbar,” she says my name in the most serious voice possible as if she were a doctor telling me I have an incurable disease. “You don’t really love Yumi Ishiyama.”

She has to be kidding me. She just has to be kidding. I get the punch line so she can stop now.

“Ok Sissi, enough with the fooling around, you can only milk a joke for so long before it gets old so please cut it out.”

Crazy, stupid or joking, those are the three reasons I can come up with to why she doubts if I love Yumi. I know for a fact that the feelings I harbor for that girl are one-hundred percent genuine, she’s in my dreams and she’s in my heart. You can’t rationalize love like you can with other emotions and I know for a fact that the sensations I get when I think of her are real.

“I’ve seen your type before William, you don’t actually love the girl you’re going after but instead are in love with the idea of being in love.”

“You know that’s not true!”

I’m yelling, I know I’m yelling. The owner of the store is probably going give me a hard time about raising such a commotion in his store but that doesn’t matter to me. All that I can focus on is proving the manipulative woman in front of me on how wrong she really is.

“Then tell me, what makes you think that you love her.”

I calm down, this is the chance I’m looking for to finally get rid of any doubts Sissi might have about me.

“She beautiful, intelligent and every time I see her face I have to smile but it’s more than just looks. When I see her, I get this feeling I can’t describe…”

“It’s a tingly feeling in your heart and your stomach gets really warm.”

She takes the words right out of my mouth or more accurately place the words that I couldn’t use inside of it. Whatever built up counter arguments and retorts I had instantly vaporizes. Sissi was far from being right but she was hitting a bit too close to home for my taste.

“Like I said before, I’ve seen your type a dozen times. You see a pretty face glance your way and are bit friendly to you and you fall harder for them than a ton of bricks. All you care about is the relationship itself, not the other person.”

“Prove it.”

Believe me when I say this but I really want to scream my head off so loud that Sissi’s eardrums would bleed out from the volume but I don’t. Somehow, some way I keep my voice down to a whisper but Sissi knows, she knows that I’m pissed off by these accusations.

“What you just told me, all the reasons you listed were about you and how Yumi made you feel happy. Did you ever stop and think about what you can do for her?”

Oh she’s wrong she’s so wrong but if that’s the case then why am I stammering? Why can’t I think straight?

“I…I…”

“Do you know anything about Yumi? What’s her favorite food? What are her dreams? What does she want to do with herself after she graduates?”

“I’ll find out about that stuff, eventually.”

“What about the incident at your old school when you posted love letters all over campus? How did the girl you like react to all that attention? Did you care about how she would feel or did you just want to show the world that you had a girl you liked?”

“I HATE YOU!”

An old voice from the past creeps into my head. Ever since I came to Kadic I made sure to never think of the events that got me expelled. I’m tired of being interrogated and I’m tired of her.

“Why do you care Sissi? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE?!”

“A person like you will never be able to make Yumi happy, and if Yumi isn’t happy then she’ll do her best to break up Ulrich and I up. In other words, you’re a liability!”

A liability! Who suddenly made her the matchmaking expert?

“You talk about me not being suited for a relationship? What about you miss drama queen? You’re always going around, flaunting your desire to be with Ulrich. By your standards, that makes you no better than me!”

Then room went silent after my outburst and I felt all the awkward stares of the customers glaring at me but I blocked them out. My eyes are locked onto my opponent and I will not back down so easily. Sissi too can feel the burden of this stifling silence, she better.

“I’ve liked Ulrich ever since we first enrolled at Kadic,” the memory she had was a good one for she had a warm smile on her face. “One day while walking to class I actually tripped and fell, at that time Ulrich was around and he helped me to my feet while the other students just stood around and laughed at me. Throughout the years I grew to understand him and learn of all the hardships he had in his personal life. I learned of his overbearing father and the pressures he endured to make his family proud of him. He needs someone in his life to make him happy not the other way around and if that person was me that I would be the luckiest girl in the world.”

“You want him to be happy?”

I blurt those words out as I could not believe that someone with a reputation for being an egomaniac would have such an unselfish desire.

“Wouldn’t you? Love is all about give and take, you should enjoy receiving care from the one you love as much as looking after them when they need you the most.”

My temper simmers down at that instant. Sissi’s story about her meeting Ulrich was a tale filled with a level of sincerity and honesty that I have never seen her exhibit before. Every single ounce of my being wanted to dismiss these findings as nothing more than a rambling of a girl pointlessly infatuated with another and to see Sissi as nothing more than a clingy brat suffering from a bad case of puppy love. If I am to do this then it would make it a lot easier for me to look at her and continue on with my daily life as usual.

Then again, if I were to do that I would just be denying myself from reality. I need to take a good hard look at this, Sissi was in love with Ulrich and maybe I can’t say the same about myself.

“I HATE YOU!”

That voice crashes to my conscious for a second time. I need to get out of here and get away from her.

“Stop patronizing me! If you love Ulrich so much then go after him yourself!”

I storm out of the store as fast as I can and didn’t even bother to look back at my former partner.

-----------------------

There are few things in life that I hold very dear
But my love for you is certain, that fact is very clear
Please don’t be alarmed when I tell you that my heart was stolen
Allow it to beat next to yours and it will never be broken

That was the god awful poem I so foolishly spread across the school in the name of the girl I loved. Her name was Isabella and was quiet the shy girl who would frequently miss class on account of being sick all the time. She struck me as a delicate doll made of glass, so fragile yet so beautiful and was a valuable treasure that needed to be protected. I thought I should proclaim my affection toward her in the biggest way possible and set to work in making copy after copy of a love poem I wrote making sure to sign our names at the bottom. I wanted to let the world know and feel my joy.

Isabella didn’t think the same.

Less than a day after my stupid folly, the rumors began and we weren’t talking about normal gossip either but stuff that would make tabloid journalist turn their heads in disgust. Every time she walked to class, Isabella would hear students whisper behind her back. Isabella preferred to keep to herself and did her best to stay out of the social radar as much as possible. She was a socially awkward girl who didn’t like having the eyes of the world on her. We talked about our situation together only once, where I told her that all she had to do was hold out long enough and eventually this whole thing would pass. Quietly she nodded her head and took my advice and I smiled for I knew things would work out in the end.

It was three days later that she had a panic attack and had to be rushed to the hospital.

When she was well enough to have visitors I rushed over to see her. With an arm full of get well cards and flowers I walked into her room with a big smile on my face.

“You doing ok?”

“Ok? Ok?! You ruined everything!”

She stopped because of a coughing fit and immediately I went to hold her hand.

“Take it easy, you need to rest!”

I wanted to hold her, to be close to her. I wanted to protect the fragile doll that I fell in love with at first sight.

“Get away from me, you monster!”

“Monster?”

“If you cared for me like you said in your poem then you wouldn’t have made sure to involve the entire school in your little plan!”

“Listen, all you have to do is calm down, we’ll get through this together.”

“NO! There is no together in any of this. I HATE YOU!”

The walk from her bed to the door was the longest eight steps I ever took in my life. The next day my expulsion was handed to me by the school and frantically my family searched for another place where I could enroll. Isabella would later make a full recovery but she too switched schools, I wanted to wish her a congratulations but I knew that would be a bad idea.

My memory of the incident ends there. I didn’t do much with myself after I stormed out of the record store. No classes were going on thankfully and all I found myself doing was looking up at the ceiling thinking about my past mistakes. The day Isabella yelled at me in the hospital was the day I learned how truly destructive an emotion love could be but I still choose to wield it to this day. According to Sissi I run the chance of repeating the same mistake with Yumi of course I wouldn’t, I will show her my true feelings and once we are together I’ll show her how much of a better choice I am over Ulrich.

That’s only if I really love her which I did, right?
Right?

DAMNIT!

Even now Sissi’s badgering has yet to leave me. She clearly has been reading way too many teen girl magazines there is no way she can doubt my love for Yumi as it’s real.

I love Yumi.
I love Yumi.
I love Yumi.

I repeat the mantra to myself over and over as it were an unbreakable oath in order to set myself right but I don’t feel anything. Why do I love Yumi, is it because I want to care for her or is it because I want to redeem myself after what I did to Isabella?

Stop thinking of the past William! You told yourself that when you got to Kadic so why all of a sudden are you breaking this promise?

Why doesn’t Yumi return your feelings?
Why can’t you find true love?
Why can’t you shake these doubts from your mind?
Why can’t you have an honest relationship like what Sissi has?
Why?
Why?

My arm takes a life of its own and rams itself into my pillow as to feeble try to vent my frustrated feelings. Over and over again the dull thud my hand makes are drowned out by my stifled screams and small sobs.

Wait, small sobs?

My cheeks feel wet. Just how long have I been crying?

Get it together man.

I can’t, I just can’t. I can only sit still and cry my eyes out. I hate feeling this way and I hate Sissi for making do so. I look at the clock and see that it’s already five PM and I laugh. If the two of us were still on cahoots with one another we would be executing our mission of love course that wasn’t going to happen anymore and all I can say to this is good riddance. I don’t need Sissi’s faux consoling to help me.

I need some fresh air.

Thinking about plan that I discarded is making me anxious. Maybe a walk outside will cool my head off. I reach for my cheeks to see if I was still crying.

---------------

For some reason went came back to the coffee house where I first met Sissi and where this whole mess began. Ever since I walked through its doorway and smelled the java laced air, my life had turned into a complicated mess of a soap opera. If I was going to put everything behind then I would need to confront this location and sort things out myself. I push the door open with all my strength as if I wanted to break the glass and make my way inside.

No way, she’s here!

In a corner booth sat Sissi Delmas holding a small cup coffee and blankly staring out the window. I’m about to just turn around and leave but I notice something that latches onto my attention with a vice grip.

She‘s crying.

Oh she’s trying her best to hold back the tears and wipe them away with the back of her hand but I she’s failing miserably. I should be relishing this sight. I should be happy to see that she’s suffering along with me. I should be happy but instead…

Why do I think she looks like a fragile doll?

My head lowers upon that realization. I knew that I’m about do something drastic and I brace myself for my own stupidity. I walk over to Sissi’s table without saying a word.

“William?”

That’s all he can say before I grab her arm and lead her toward the exit.

“What are you doing?”

“Just shut up and follow me.” My voice is about to crack but I keep myself together.

“But I didn’t pay for my coffee yet!”

I run back to her table and see the waitress who is about to take her cup back and hand her the largest bill in my wallet.

“Keep the change!”

We leave the coffee house still hand in hand; Sissi has stopped with her verbal protesting but is resisting just enough to let me know that she’s not too happy with what’s going on. I must look like a madman, dragging a girl with me down the street without a care in the world. I’m losing my mind, that’s the only logical conclusion I can come up with.  My sanity has reached its breaking point and now I’m doomed to act out on all of my irrational thoughts, this being the topmost one.

The city park is just in sight and I head over there with Sissi in tow. Whatever plan I had planned from the start has been thrown out the window and I’m thinking on my feet. My eyes dart across the place and I spot an empty pace of field away from the main walkway.

“This looks like a good spot to rest”

Sissi remains quiet and simply sits beside me.

“What did you want to show me? It better be good if it drove you to take me here against my will.”

Her usual arrogant demeanor rears its head but it’s a shadow of its former self.

“You got rejected by Ulrich, did you?”

Her surprised gasp informs me that I was right so she still tried to invite him to the concert without my help.

“Yumi came just like I expected. Before I could ask me out the two of them showed me away like as if I were a child!”

“You knew you were going to fail so why did you even bother doing this?”

“Because I thought I still had a chance!”

The tears came back in full force and unlike before she made no effort to hide them.

“Is this what you wanted? Did you come here to see me cry and laugh at me?!”

“No”

The sobs stop and she looks at me with a pained expression.

“THEN WHY?!”

“If you’re going to cry then do it somewhere that people can’t see you. Go ahead, I’ll turn my back to you so you don’t have to feel embarrassed.”

I might have sounded suave right there but I was beginning to tear up myself. I’ve never see a girl at such at such an emotional low point. Whoever said that a woman’s tears were a powerful weapon was correct.

Five minutes of silence passed by. With nothing better to do I looked to the sky where the sun began to set.

“I’m sorry William.”

“Huh?”

What does Sissi need to apologize to me? In reality it was my fault that things turned out this way.

“I acted like I was high and mighty when I told you about why I liked Ulrich when in truth I wasn’t being honest with the facts.”

“I don’t care if you lied to me. I’m not a church confessional so if you want to keep the truth hidden then so be it.”

“No, I need to tell someone, anyone, even if it’s just you.”

“Whatever.” I say so as not to dismiss her pleas but to show here that I’m comfortable with her just using me as just a shoulder to cry on. I really didn’t want to leave. Even though I was with someone who has caused me untold amounts of emotional pain, I didn’t feel like leaving her company. This all felt “right” somehow.

“When I told you I was a different girl back then that was true. When I was younger I wasn’t very pretty nor I knew about what was popular and all the girls mocked me for that.”

“Sissi Delmas, unpopular? I find that hard to believe” I say in a joking manner.

“I know huh,” she must have thought it was funny as well as she chuckled lightly at the notion. “When I met Ulrich I felt like I was not a worthy enough of a woman to be with him so I made an effort to change myself and I did successfully but now I’m afraid that I’ve changed into something that Ulrich will never accept. All I wanted was for him to look my way, now with what I’ve become, I’m lucky if any boy will grow to like me.”

“Do you regret what you’ve done?”

“No, I’ll never regret my decisions. They may have been the poorest of choices but they’re still mine. I kept telling myself that I was happy with who I am and who I wanted to be with but that all changed when I met you.”

“Me?”

I stopped trying to understand Sissi’s train of thought and once again the perplexities of her mind capture me once again.

“Even though I ridiculed your feelings for Yumi for being self-centered at least you remained true to yourself. Despite what happened to you in the past you never veered from your path and expressed yourself in the best way you saw fit. You loved who you wanted to love and you chased that love on your terms. Something like that is very rare in this world; you can almost even say it’s heroic.”

“Thank…you,” a girl has never called me heroic before so I taken back a bit by the compliment.

The tears stopped flowing for the both of us as we can tell the mood was distancing itself from its gloomy beginnings.

“What would be a dream date with Ulrich?”

Sissi will be a bit flustered but such a random question I’m sure of it.

“Looking for date ideas?”

She says so in a teasing voice. I laugh a bit.

“They say the best way to cheer someone up when they are feeling down is to make them think of something that makes them happy. Well sadly, the only thing I know that makes you happy is Ulrich.”

“This might sound silly but I would invite him to the rooftops and gaze at the stars with him.”

“Star gazing?” I say with snort of laughter.

“Lame isn’t it?”

We’re both ravage by a laughing attack that causes us to roll on field clutching our sides. There was nothing really funny about star gazing but we both needed an emotional relief so badly that we were willing to take anything that had the slightest hint of making us feel good.

“Now it’s my turn to ask you a question William?”

The spasms that were controlling my body were slowly fading away and I could finally think with a clear head.

“That sounds only fair. Shoot.”

“Why did you come and help me. I thought you said we were through as partners.”

“I did say we were no longer partners but I can still come and see you as a friend.”

“A friend?”

Don’t worry Sissi, I’m just as surprised as you are.

“Believe me when I tell you that you’ve done a lot for me in these past two days. For the first time in my life, I’ve met someone who’s forced me to take a good hard look at myself so I can stop living a lie. I still believe in the values of love but now I am aware that I’m not the self proclaimed guru on the subject. Anyone does that for me is someone’s company I should cherish. We’re suffering from unrequited love so we’re the only ones who really understand one another because…”

I struggle to get the words out, as the next thing I say can destroy the tender moment we’re sharing.

“Because what?”

“Because You deserve to be happy over me.”

I didn’t see her reaction for I could only face the ground. Sissi rises to her feet and brushes off the blades of grass that have rested on her clothes.

“I need to go now William, thank you for this talk. It was a lot of fun.”

As I watched her walk away I too was smiling inside, indeed this was a fun evening. Though I only regretted that it didn’t last any longer.”

----------------

I didn’t get back to Kadic until it was nightfall. I’m predicting that as soon as I get to my room I’m gonna collapse onto my bed face first and nod off until morning. With my slumber schedule sketched out I head off toward the dormitories. That’s when I see him.

“Ulrich!”

There, standing near the vending machines looking like he owns the place is the one person in this school that I can say that I hate. Just seeing his apathetic face is enough to piss me off and after what he did to Sissi there is no way I’m going to stay on the sidelines and not do anything.

“Oh, it’s you.”

Grr, even his voice ticks me off.

“Yeah it’s me! Why did you reject Sissi like that?”

I may have arrived too late but there is hope for me to fix everything. I can get Ulrich to accept those Subsonic tickets and I can finally get my chance to be with Yumi.

“Because I don’t want to be with Sissi, that’s why.”

His Mr. Cool routine is really grating on my nerves. News flash Ulrich, you’re not cool, you’re not even remotely likeable. You’re just a emo soccer addict who doesn’t know how to comb his hair properly!

“She had tickets to the Subsonics! Front row!”

“I know but I didn’t feel like going.”

Out of sheer anger I grabhis collar and slam him against the soda machine.

“Listen here! You do not understand how big of an opportunity you’re wasting here. Sissi Delmas is a very understanding and sincere woman and for you to just throw away her offer as if it were garbage is a real stupid move!”

“I’m not interested in Sissi, that’s final! The only thing she is to me is a huge annoyance!”

Oh that did it. That did the trick. Forget about using logic on the dense moron. All I want to do now I punch a nice giant hole through his head. I’ve seen him show off his wannabe martial arts skills around school before, he’s nothing special. After he sees how strong my right hook is, he’s going to find out that I ‘m both a lover and a fighter. My fist flies toward his face and the next thing I know I feel a giant thud against my cheek and I fall flat on my back.

Smugly Ulrich walks over to me.

“I didn’t break anything so you’ll be fine but you’re going to feel a massive headache in a bit.”

“GET BACK HERE!”

I rise to my feet to continue our fight but I start to feel dizzy and I fall back down. Ulrich shrugs his shoulders and walks away and I’m left to figure out what just happened.

What was I doing back there, the old me would have never started such a futile fight. Was I angry at Ulrich because I was jealous that he was liked by Yumi Ishiyama or was I mad because he insulted Sissi?

I looked at the beautiful starlight sky for I had a lot to think about question after question ran through my brain at light speed, each of them demanding my full attention but only one of them I bothered to entertain. All that I could think of right now was if Sissi was staring at the same stars I was.

-----------------------

The love duels officially came to an end when Ulrich worked up enough courage to give Yumi a letter detailing exactly how he felt about her. Sissi and I can confirm this story as we were the first witnesses. Ulrich’s execution was sloppy and embarrassing but yet slightly endearing. It was funny for the two of use remained unfazed by what happened.

“How would you rate Ulrich performance?”

“Six out of ten, his delivery was sloppy and he stammered a lot but it got the job done.”

Sissi laughed again and I start to blush. I remember two days ago that to truly be in love I must learn to care for the other person as much as they care for me. I want to Sissi smile and I want to be the reason why she smiles. Understand her desires and pain and I’ve learned her secrets but above all else I learned that I love her.

I love Sissi Delmas. Don’t worry, there will be no mass love poems involved, repeat that mistake twice.

“Say William, want to pay the coffee house a visit?”

Sissi shoots me a small smile that tells me that I should accept her invitation.”

“Sure.”

“Let me get my wallet, be a real shame if I left without paying.”

She turns around to go back to her room and I stop her by grabbing her hand.

“Naw, I got you covered again.”

We both know the ramifications my words carry and our cheeks become redder. Sissi’s fingers intertwine with mine and we begin to walk off campus hand-in-hand.

“Say William what how would you react if I told you that I have two front row tickets to the upcoming Subsonic’s concert?”

“Oh, got someone in mind?

“Mayyybe.”

She gives my hand a tighter squeeze and I look away to hide my already blushing face. Dating Sissi Delmas is going to be quiet the experience in itself.

“Thank you.”

I whisper those words loud enough so only I can hear and I begin to think of locations perfect for star gazing.